River Otters and Cardio-Fitness

I have been trying to walk more.  I am getting a bit behind on my heart and can tell the difference.  But I haven't really made the jump to Fortuna in my heart disciplines yet.  Walking around here doesn't feel as necessary and I think I left the habit in Morgan Hill.  Anyway, it is stupid because within five minutes of our house are some of the most incredible places I have ever been.  So, I figured if I have to walk more, I should follow Harriet's lead and do it in beautiful places.

Harriet is twenty five hundred miles away, so I have been talking the kids into going with me to the river.  I found a great place on the Eel at the mouth where there are some island and it is gorgeous.  So, after dinner, the kids and I raced the sun to the Eel and walked over the bridge.  I haven't been out there when it has been this dark and we just had color in the sky and dark ripples in the river.  When there was a black spot on the water that was behaving oddly.  Soon, joined by another one that started diving and reappearing and suddenly there were big fish jumping out of the water (when I say big fish, I mean BIG FISH) and finally a black dot champing away on a fish on his belly and the other swimming away contentedly.  Magical.  And that must have been great for my heart.

Surprise!

As I was getting ready for church I looked out the window and Fortuna was gorgeous. Blue skies all the way to the ocean, clear air, mountains, greens and blues. Off to church and a million things to do and when I finally got done around 2:30 walked outside and it is raining, really raining. Pouring down, rushing down the streets and around the house. All day. Harriet and I spent all afternoon on the living room floor putting refurbishing her spinning wheel, solving problems as they came out -- a great rainy, tired day.

Moving and Change

I am probably insane.

I bought my Volvo in 1988 new and it has been by far my favorite car. I figured it might be my last car and was working on it. But the last couple of years smog certificates were getting harder to pass, and the State kept making offers to retire the car. But it has been doing well lately, and the car was born to drive country roads. But in the last couple of weeks I have been getting an intermittent, nasty screech which has been increasingly accompanied by steering problems. Then cash for clunkers temptation (which I found my Volvo couldn't qualify for -- gas mileage was too good!?!). More screeching and one day I asked "should I replace my car"? Two seconds later, as I tried to unlock my door, the handle fell apart in my hand (and what is worse, inside the door.) Another couple of days hemming and hawing, looking and fretting, and getting the the car through the back seat. So Thursday, on the way back from our clergy cluster, I drove around looking at all the cars in Eureka and finally bought a brand new little Subaru Impreza Outback Sport, Subaru's answer to the Toyota Yaris, not the bigger Subaru Outback. .

I know as a guy I am suppose to feel happy about buying a new car, suppose to swoon at "new car smell". But, really it stinks of chemicals. And I am grieving a very old mechanical friend. I feel like I did when our cat, Pumpkin, died shortly after moving to Morgan Hill, couldn't make the move, just as my Volvo couldn't. I am sure I will get to like this little thing after a while, it is very easy to drive. But right now, after driving a Volvo for twenty years, it feels like I am driving around in a lunch box. For now it is just another friend lost in the shuffle.

Picture found at http://www.autospies.com/images/users/Casey54/ImprezaOUTBACK.jpg

Two and Two

New Beginnings including a blast from the past...

This has been a busy week with school starting, very big for two girls who recently moved here and don't know any of the other kids. A lot to ask of your daughters... And while I do get a sense that it has been challenging and hard and lonely at times for them, there is still a sense of excitement, something new and hope, the promise of something better. They are getting up on time, taking the time to get ready and look nice and actually going to school, all which are good signs.

Then on another plain, a request from my past. An old friend from college sent a message via facebook that her daughter and good friend were traveling our way and could we help point them in a few directions. Of course we could and they landed with us for one short day and evening for an absolutely delightful time. Fun and serendipitous was the fact that they are now the same age we were when we were hanging out and having adventures. Both of the Emilys touched my heart with their personas, open and excited about life yet with the spiciness of their own distinctiveness. And brought back embarrassing memories of how untogether I felt at their age. Challenging yet with so much promise. I wish them the best and have no doubt that they have a wonderful road ahead of them.

Country Living

Oh, if they could only see me now!

Well I have to laugh at myself and how different life is from just a couple of months ago. This past week I canned blackberry jam again (even strained out most of the seeds this time). Earlier in the week Livy and I were invited to pick peaches at a friend's home and made peach jam and peach chutney this time. Actually thinking about making pickles. I'm back to knitting daily, something I did for many years before turning into a Siliconian mom. Realizing that some of the fog is lifting and Fortuna and this area is beginning to feel more familiar and not a constant challenge and mystery. It's still stressful and there are still details to be followed up on and boxes to find (I really thought we were more organized than this!).

I was going to complain about how some people go through the stress of making changes in their lives and actually lose weight mysteriously without even trying. Sigh... I will never be one of those people and adding to my to do list is going back to Weight Watchers and losing the weight I gained in the move. Then a friend sent me an email about whales versus mermaids with the just being whales live fulfilled social happy lives and mermaids are a smelly figment of our imaginations and I remembered a turning point in my weight struggles where I stopped being so critical of myself and befriended myself in a new way. Being loving, kind to ourselves is such a key to being healthy. And so obvious (when I'm feeling it) that I wonder why it is so difficult to pull out of a hat at times.

Blackberry Pie

Pie, pie, me oh my...

When I facebooked about the local blackberries, I received a lot of smartassed responses about phones but go ahead, feel free to mock me as we sit eating blackberry pie, still warm from the oven, picked fresh from the bushes down the street only hours ago. Today we froze peaches from Ted's brother's land that were beginning to spoil and were too good to waste. Tomorrow we have been invited to pick more peaches at a new friend's home and might try our hand at canning peaches (as opposed to peach jam). Livy has her horseback riding lesson in the morning and then off to check out the County Fair in Ferndale before we pick peaches. Are we living the country life or what? Next week I will actually be part of the fair as I participate in the spinning booth.





Yet I have been feeling very turned around. There is something familiar about country living that I take to naturally and love yet hasn't been part of my identity for a long time. We get so much of our identity from our work and what we do that I feel lost without it some days. For a long time I have been immersed in the real estate world in Santa Clara County. I love working and real estate as much as I have been enjoying our country life and this time getting settled in to our new community. But in a way, I think you have to be a little braver to live here where you are defined for who you are, not what you do. Maybe I'm wrong and there are different ways people feel trapped here but what you do doesn't seem to define you in the same way it did where we were living. And I admit to feeling lost more than I would have expected without my work and my work identity.

P.S. Response to Ted's previous blog (which I probably shouldn't be doing) but isn't fixing the toilet over and over again a little like not asking for directions? Call in the plumber already!

Toilets

I have to admit about being very anti green when it comes to toilets. (How about that for a sentence with many layers of meaning?) I think it is very important to conserve water and an easy way to do a great work in the world is to have a low flush toilet. On the other hand, I have never seen a low flush toilet that it wasn't necessary to often flush multiple times, which defeats the whole purpose after a while.

A toilet is amazing technology that, when it is right, can work for decades without any problems. One must consider one's position in the world, orientation of a house and movement of groundwater and flooding. Except for the power toilets we had in Morgan Hill, most of the power is generated by gravity and the stored energy of suspending water where it wouldn't usually go. Generating the pressure to raise up water by using the simple water pressure of the city's water lines. Even the power toilets we had generated power by simply stretching a rubber diaphragm using the cities normal water pressure. Simple and brilliant. But, when problems occur, I would rather be in the next state.

Regardless, stopped up toilets are Dad's job. Designing rectangular drains when plungers are almost all circular is evil. And almost anything you do with a toilet that is out of the ordinary is disgusting. These are things we don't talk about in public (and probably shouldn't in a blog) but can be a huge issue in moving. I have great respect for plumbers who can figure out how to get beyond all that. Anyway, I am all for toilets that have storage tanks as big as the Hoover Dam and to hell with water conservation. Oh, did I mention that I have spent a lot of time fixing our stopped up toilets in the last couple of weeks, actually since we moved in.

Bother!

Vacation or just plain work?

Victoria and back again...

Saturday I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and didn't understand how tired I was plus the surprise of looking in the mirror and realizing how sunburned I was. Ted told me we had traveled 1800 miles on our vacation and I actually felt a sigh of relief. Although there were some real highs on this trip and many good times, there were some real challenges also and traveling that far that fast was more work than vacation at times. But all things considered, we did really well and accomplished what we set out to which was to explore the Northwest and get to Victoria with Ted.

Once again, I fell in love with my husband and with Victoria. What a beautiful amazing city, so full of life and history, charm and beauty. For a city girl who also loves the country it's a perfect place to visit. Being in Victoria for Ted's birthday was great, we finally got to the James Bay Tea House which he has been talking about for 15 years (I must admit I had the best scone ever there), elegant dinner with just Ted and me and the Royal Museum the next day. One of my favorite times was kayaking on the James Bay, seeing mom seals with their pups, bald eagles and blue herons. Also watching Livy feed a seal off the pier. We could have spent much more time there, didn't even scratch the surface. We will go back to Victoria without a doubt.

And the travels to get there were also beautiful. The California coast north of us captivated me (and I know we'll return there time and again). I was struck by the wildness of Oregon and the vastness of the rivers which put our rivers to shame. Washington was breath taking beautiful but also horrific with all of the logging and clear cutting. I tried to keep an open mind but seeing that beauty disfigured was hard to take. And I loved that we went to Forks and La Push to make Jenn happy. Which wasn't that far from the rain forest which disappointed Ted (global warming after all?). On the way back we stopped at Mike and Lynn's and had a great time seeing their home in the country and enjoying their hospitality.

Back home and glad to not be in the car, getting settled in and having a little time and breathing room. Discovered this afternoon that there are ripe blackberries in our backyard (plus a neighbor's patch which we have an invitation to invade). I like living in the country.

Totems

We went to one of my favorite specific places on earth today. The Royal Museum, third floor, 1st people's exhibit, ritual house. A huge room in the museum with only a couple of dancing masks, a couple of ritual seats, and the large front painting. Dark, quiet 1st people singing. That's it. But the room has something of the mystery of a ritual house where a story of how Raven brought the sun, hence the light to the world.

The totem poles spoke to me today. I found myself wondering what kind of pole my family would put in front of our house. Four lineages. Does that mean four poles, or do we find something of the mystery and common character of our family.

Imagine building an art form so large we would need our whole village to come help us put it up in front of our house, strong so it didn't fall in even the most vicious storm and crush our house, or worse, a neighbors. None of us could do it ourselves. I could help make it happen, but we would need Jen and Harriet to draw and design. I can see Livy bouncing on the pole while we were trying to get it up, reading and telling us stories of other animals like ours or greek gods.

Would we put up warrior spirits, fierce, to defend out home and warn those entering to respect our domaine, or do we put up images of animals that represent what we want for our family, wisdom and hospitality and mischief. Jenn wouldn't want anything that embarrassed us. In fact, she would probably never let us put it up in front of the house. Love the doing, but embarrassed by the power of the images. A totem pole is embarrassing, I suppose. It waves who you are, good and bad, in front of the world and says, "Here I am. Here I stand. Deal with it."

Paddle together or opposite?

Plan it for the kids, do it for ourselves. As we were learning how to paddle, we asked the guide if it was better to paddle together or paddle opposite of one another. He said it was better to paddle together, to match the rhythm and depth of the stroke. I had tried a couple of different ways and couldn't really tell the difference, but it was fun to match the strokes with each other. It gave a quietness to the flow of the kayak. That is a bit of what we are struggling with in this move -- trying to figure out whether it is better to find a common rhythm or to key off our differences. Struggling with bumping into each other or trying to smooth the waters and not make waves. Today went well, can't say that about all the waters we have been going through.

No Wind

You and I have been trying to get to Victoria for thirteen years. Last night I didn't think it was going to happen even though we were across the straits and already had tickets and a hotel room. But this morning, it was glorious, warm and windless, except for the tumult of moaning and complaining from the peanut gallery. Harriet, you are stunning in these pictures. (Of course you are always stunning, but look at this.)

We got to walk and hold hands and talk in one of my favorite cities. I am so struck by a city so dominated by water. That has been a theme in the last month. Moving to Fortuna, and traveling around, I am struck by all the water -- and moved by it. Water flowing, water surging, water floating, rolling in, and crashing down. Salt water, clear water, green water, fresh water, cold water and warm water. It is good for my soul, and here in Victoria, people are centered by it.

Sad Surprises

We started the day driving from Astoria across the bridge and into Washington. Unbelievable beauty all around us. And sadness. Some disappointment.

I am struck once again by the land so brutally logged. I am sure the whole issue of logging is far beyond my understanding and that there is a rhyme and reason to the carnage, but the clear cut stumps as far as the eye can see just seems wrong. Whole hillsides left in ruins with signs here and there saying that they were 20 years old.

At the same time, I remember us puzzling over how to take down a tree hanging too close to our house in Gualala, when someone has figured out how to cut down a whole state of trees, cart them off, mill them and build houses probably all over the world. I think on such a small scale.

The rain forest which has amazed me in years past was a dust bowl this year. Hardly any snow on the Olympics. A weird frustrated Twilight hunt in Forks and La Push. Unbelievably bad dinner but coming around Crystal Lake when all seemed dark, an unanticipated stunning sunset through the silhouetted hills down the lake. And then, no room at the inn, Port Angeles and the Olympics completely booked up so that we had to drive to Bremerton in the middle of the night.

Strange day.

Elk and Beautiful Places

It says something when in a first day of driving in beautiful country that the place that was the most beautiful was closest to home. Today we saw a large herd of elk (like twenty or thirty, grazing twenty feet from highway as we drove 45 minutes from home through the redwoods that we love so much. As we got out of the car, I had a short conversation with the kids because these elk were way too close to us to be really safe, though I think we could have gone over and patted them on the nose without too serious consequences – they were very used to people. But there was a nursery fifty feet off with about four or five calves.

Beautiful places to live are a blessing without measure. I noticed this in Boulder Creek, but didn’t really spend a lot of time thinking about it till I moved to Mendocino. There is something about a redwood tree in my back yard that completely changes how I wake up. My formative years were spent in Arlington, Virginia and I remember being at the top of a tree in our yard a lot of the time. The woods was just a block from the house and a stream with crayfish and snakes and rocks to throw. The pace of life and ministry slowed in the movement from Berkeley and Hayward to Boulder Creek. Certainly country living does this, but I think it also has something to do with walking around in a place that isn’t made by human beings, in a place that is nurturing life on the planet instead of poisoning it, where the predominant smell is bark not car fume.

In Mendocino many people just plane stopped a little before sunset, closed up the shop, walked down the street a block or so to watch the sunset. When I lived in Berkeley and was building the retreat center, I would often go up to the rooftop of our three story Victorian and sit on the chimney to watch the sun go down behind the golden gate. Now we watch evening fade slowly on the foggy hills beyond the Eel River. (Of course I never see the sun come up.)

Home Sweet Home?

Transitioning

I think we are kind of interesting and funny, the way we meaning people, have such resistance and then end up jumping in with 2 feet. I know everything was kind of a blur when we arrived and I wasn't sure where I was going or where I was or what I was supposed to do (i.e. what are my priorities anyway?). The beginning of a move is obvious, unpack, clean and organize (over and over and over again). But then I would have these epiphanies, realizing we needed doctor's appointments, a good vet and that I still need to change most of the addresses from our past life. As I begin to make headway, I am finding time for other things like the weekly Farmers Market (every Tuesday afternoon on 10th Street). A new friend (?) took me around and showed me some of the important things like where to buy homegrown strawberries and the local feedstore/nursery, some in-town walks and such. I didn't have the heart to tell her I had discovered some (not all) on my own and realizing in the process that I am learning about this town and beginning to find my place in it. Now I need to help my daughters find their place and continue the process of exploration as I begin to see the community that isn't obvious to the eye, yet much more meaningful. So maybe this is about finding our place and who we are, who we can be in this new town, our new home.

Where the f*/k is the checkbook?

Excuse the expletive, but now we are tired and we are dealing with complicated things -- like figuring out our blessed health care -- and when we can't find a file, or a bill, or the stapler it is just aggravating. This is made more complicated because if things haven't found their place yet, it means we can't figure out what to do with it and it may be in the third box. We might remember what we packed the first time, the second is blurry, but the third box is impossible. Seems like there isn't that many boxes left, but enough to make this part of the journey infuriating. I know I have saved receipts that will maybe appear after the apocalypse, but I can't find them now.

This is made even more maddening because I am starting to do some of the planning and paperwork of the job. A little over a week to my first service, and I am planning and rallying ideas written on scraps of paper throughout the last few weeks. Now the little pieces of paper are all over and if I find them, I can't figure out what the chicken scratches I made two weeks ago mean.

I have been thinking a lot about order -- how nice it sounds. I have lived in chaos long enough. I want things where I can find them, I want the kids to behave for a few minutes, I want to not have to learn every bloody thing I am doing right now. I want to have something work the way I planned it, to do something the way I have always done it, to do something I am gifted at and do easily. A pox on all these messy, chaotic, dusty, piled up corners of cherished garbage?!*#^$!

Hiking in Humboldt Redwoods State Park

Hidden Treasures in the Woods

Yesterday I had the most fun hiking through the woods with a group of women from this area. We went to Humboldt Redwoods State Park and although one of my goals was to find my way around the park, I might have left more turned around than when I started. We had a great walk through the forest, over bridges, down by the river and even through a meadow of sweet peas (which is where I found the fireplace left from an old homestead). I wish I could remember half of all the information I heard yesterday about this area and hopefully with time (and repetition) it will sink in. But in addition to exploring and discovering more of the natural beauty of this area, I begin to see more of the community and networking that goes on in this area. As with the richness we are enjoying through nature, at the river, forests, ocean and beaches, I am beginning to see a network of interesting people doing good works and helping to build community through a vision of ideals and dreams. I look forward to seeing the forest through the trees as well as the dreams as in time I get to know more people and what this area is really about.

Bull Ridin'

This is rodeo week in Fortuna.  Lots going on every day downtown, around the town and in the park.  Yesterday as I was visiting people, all sorts of sirens went off downtown and the person I was with smiled and said they had just arrested a tourist.  They have a jail that they drive all around town, pick up some tourist and put them up for the weekend, but they have to do different things for the rodeo.  The chili cookoff on Monday was fun -- all sorts of booths on Main street and a bunch of the businesses in town make eight gallon pots of chili and everyone gets a taste.  Very fun.  All week there have been things going on on Main Street and in the park.  An energy to the town.  Today Harriet and the kids got up for the pancake breakfast this morning, the parade is in a hour or so.  Tonight and tomorrow is the rodeo.  

We haven't been wrestlin' any cows but have been trying to get phone service changed and dealing with a dead cell phone and the seven second buzzer to end the rodeo seems like a good idea when you are endlessly on the phone with att or verizon or blue shield trying to remember which att id one uses when calling customer service.  My office is now the most disorganized part of the house.  Now we are into bull riding.  

Guests in the House

If you want to clean your house, invite over company.

It felt good to cook and clean for someone else in the house. Things get too weird when they are always turned toward oneself, in this case our family's needs. To let go of all of that and be a host is so refreshing. And we figured out how to do it without carting everything to some other mess. The boxes are emptied, most everything is put away, our house can begin to breathe. There are places here that don't nag me to do something. I can go to some parts of the house and rest, which I need because I am bone tired. My body is tired, my mind is tired, my spirit is tired. Moving is exhausting and now that I am seeing an end to it, I am beginning to let go and fall apart.

Inviting someone over is letting go. Others can now see my space without me feeling too anxious about it. I can serve food and have a degree of confidence that I can find what I need. It is now getting to be time to leave for a bit, get out of here altogether, so we can come back home.

Riverwalk Drive

Going for a Walk...

Inadvertantly discovered Riverwalk Drive the other day. Wanted to do a loop around Fortuna during my daily walk but the trouble with my idea was the Freeway and how it intersects the town. Walking around Freeway accesses was a drag and dangerous, not easy for a walker and I quickly discarded that plan. But along the way, I discovered this lovely walk along the river. Walked it yesterday and it took about 1 hour which is my daily walking goal. Did have to drive there to avoid walking through the Freeway mess but great walk with other walkers, obviously a popular place to stroll. Looking for different places to walk around town and this area. Tomorrow I will walk with a local walking group. We will be hiking the River Trail in Humboldt Redwoods Park. That's where Ted and the girls and I went last Saturday exploring different places off the Avenue of the Giants. I have been paying attention to the walking group but not ready to join due to the level of unpacking still required but this walk is calling to me. We all fell in love with that area. I'll report back (and maybe even bring my camera).

Weekend Exploring

Look Ma...

We spent some time over the weekend, exploring the area and being outside (plus looking and finding some sunshine). I was reminded of our first trip up here and the last hour of driving through this incredible forest of beautiful trees and winding river. I couldn't believe how beautiful it was. Most of which is through Humboldt Redwoods State Park. One of our stops was at Founders Grove, a child's dream come true, partly a forest of fallen trees which you can climb and hop from one after another. Then we actually drove through a huge redwood, something I have always wanted to do but never made the effort. The girls found a treehouse which they could climb up into to their delight. And then we scored big, a tip from a waitress as to a local river spot right outside Miranda. But I should take a moment to mention that the food, especially the pizza and calzones at this cafe, were excellent. We were able to sunbath, explore and swim at the river as well as watch some local boys jump off the rope swing (too tame), then off the top of the rock (not good enough) and then from the bridge (arrggghhhh!).

Last night after dinner, we jumped in the car and tried to beat the sunset to the beach. We weren't exactly sure how to find the beach from here but were able to find Centerville Beach which is 9 miles of coastal access and the northern gateway to the King Range National Conservation Area, known as the Lost Coast. And absolutely gorgeous.

I must admit to loving the natural beauty of this area and enjoying spending time outside and exploring. Came in handy as I am feeling very sad about moving and missing people very much...